Yesterday I went to Sam’s house, which was nice since I’m very lonely and bored now that no one else is here. My uncle stops by from time to time, but other than that, I have to talk to my cats if I want any companionship. On the way to his house, he told me that he thought I was a diligent student, and I told him I had no idea how he ever reached that conclusion since I didn’t spend any time on schoolwork if I thought that I wouldn’t get anything more than a grade out of it. On the way home, I somehow revealed to Sam and his mother that I was much happier in junior high school because I was working all day rather than playing all day. Sam said that I needed a break from all the work I had been doing, and so I revealed to him that I have been doing no work lately. The music that I listened to when I was younger is the only memory I have of those happier days, and that is why it has such a saddening effect on me, despite being quite cheerful music.
Today I decided that I was going to stop merely talking about the better days of the past. I determined that I would be much happier if I could learn a lot, and now would be a good time to start since no one else is here to ridicule me for my changed ways or four wasted years of high school. For probably the first time since eighth grade, I began to read a history book for pleasure. The time I spent reading that book was probably my happiest time since eighth grade. After reading a section of the book, I decided to play the cello for a little while. I decided that I would attempt to do exactly what my teacher had told me to do, and I believe I was playing quite well, by my standards at least.
All these years, I was forced to pretend that I was a happy person. I did not want anyone to know how terrible it felt not to be learning what I could have been learning, but yet I was never able to change that. Perhaps unfortunately, I have committed myself to four math classes and two music classes in the fall, which leaves me no room in my schedule for a history class or a language class that I would love to take. It is quite a pity that the only Introductory Greek class is 5 days a week in the middle of the morning, when so many other classes that I must take are offered uniquely. I shall try very hard to squeeze that Greek class into my schedule in the winter, since I really need to take something like that to be happy.